In my writing I have been striving for description to move the story forward.
Here is my written two line contribution for today, from a current draft work:
"With scarcely any room to move, she managed to rise to her knees, coughing in the thick, acrid dust until her chest ached and she tasted blood. Struggling in the cramped darkness, she got her shirttail out of her jeans and over her mouth and nose; it strained enough dust that she could breathe."
From a book I recently read are two sentences from Dark Fire by C.J. Sansom:
“Joseph’s mother sat ramrod straight in her chair, snow-white hair gathered under a black cap, veiny hands folded over a stick. She was thin, the planes of her skull visible beneath pale skin that was a patchwork of lines and smallpox scars.”
Portrait of Mary I
10 hours ago
9 comments:
You have succeeded in the descriptive dept. You gripped me with these two lines.
I like it! :)
Like the detail but the word in after coughing made me stop for a second. Might be better if you wrote coughing from the thick acrid, dust.
Just a suggestion. Hope you don't mind.
well honed, barbara :D
It is so difficult to weave it together so that it appears effortless and flows easily into the mind's ear. Good job. aloha-
You achieved description :)
Sansom's old woman is vibrant. Love it.
Cripping tale,
but I do hope you are surrounded by the joys of the Christmas season!
Your draft was very well done. I could picture the scene easily.
Thank you all for your comments, and Travis, your suggestion is well received. Other eyes are necessary because sometimes I can't see all the trees for the forest.
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