Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Two Sentence Tuesday: 30 June 2009

Yesterday I read an article from Writer’s Digest magazine on how to hook readers with a strong beginning.

I have been working diligently on my draft WIPs of dark fantasy the last couple of days and wrote these sentences (the location is in mountainous terrain):

“Just as he was pondering his decision of an alternative path, a small herd of wild goats: a type of ibex, came face to face with him. The ram, of advanced age, carried a pair of curled, back pointing horns. He smiled as the flock of brown and black goats took to the high ground, bounding up the second path that led into the crags above, toward the linking pass. Then his decision decided for him, he turned to follow.


"Without warning the animals stopped, hesitated momentarily before wheeling where they stood and stampeded in his direction. "




For other participants, please visit Women of Mystery.

22 comments:

Scott Parker said...

I LOVE it when animals, and their special perceptions, know things before we humans do. I can only imagine your narrator has NOwhere to go on the mountainside. That's a great, um, cliffhanger for us readers, Barbara. :-)

Leah J. Utas said...

Stampeded by wild goats on a mountain. Oh, yeah. I want more.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

This sounds exciting, Barbara!

I'm wondering what happens next.

Kathleen Ryan said...

I think these are action-filled sentences! Keep up the good work!

Reb said...

Stampeding goats on a mountain side...can't wait to read more.

Barbara Martin said...

Scott, humans can perceive many of the things animals do but for our conditioning during childhood into adults.

The human in the story is truly in a pickle.

Barbara Martin said...

Leah, I wrote this scene for some of my visitors who think my posts on the mountains are all beauty and tranquil. One never really knows what excitement will occur on trails.

Barbara Martin said...

Raph, thank you for the encouragement. I was working on having a paragraph with a beginning, middle and ending.

Barbara Martin said...

Kathleen, thanks for your kind comment. Now I have to think more action sentences for next week.

Barbara Martin said...

Reb, the few times I have seen mountain goats or sheep run up the sides of rocky cliffs is when there's been a bear around. They can gallop up rocks where we humans would be hard-pressed to put toes and fingers.

Teresa said...

Well, this certainly leaves me wanting more. What is it like to be stampeded by a herd of goats on a mountain precipice??? You have such a marvelous imagination.

Barbara Martin said...

Teresa, it's probably not much different than the time I was at an open gate to a large pasture with 30 or so horses galloping toward me headed for the barn and oats: you move where you can, quickly.

Rick said...

Such well-crafted work, Barbara! I'm anxious someday read the finished project.

Charles Gramlich said...

The one thing that jarred me a bit was "the decision decided for him." I liked how the animals suddenly turn and come in his direction.

A Cuban In London said...

I have to admit that I looked away a couple of times. It was very well written and the fear of being the victim of a stampede overpowered me. Well done and thanks for sharing.

Greetings from London.

Pam said...

You know Barbara if I saw a bear around, I think I'd be able to suprise myself with the rate I'd climb where previously I'd be "hard-pressed to put fingers and toes" - probably push the goats out the way.With your interest in history, you may enjoy the story passed down in our family of an ancestor in the 1800's chased up a tree by a bull, where she promptly went into labour. The area in South Australia is still called "Bull Creek". Luckily there are no canals around -you know where I'm going with the birth thing.... Thanks for your comment on my blog. I've sent an email to you.

Barbara Martin said...

Rick, thank you. This particular piece is slated for the third novel so it might be a bit of a wait.

Charles, as this portion is taken out of context here's a fill in: the character is a believer in 'omens' or 'messages'. While he was deciding which path to take the goats appeared and made it for him.

Barbara Martin said...

Cuban, I'm pleased to hear it had the effect I intended.

Pam, bulls can be overly aggressive when you least expect it.

RuneE said...

I have never written fiction, although I have published other kinds of writing. I'm therefore not the right kind of person to make useful advice. However, for what it is worth: I would shorten it somewhat by removing some of the sub-clauses (I hope that is the right expression - I have not access to a dictionary right now). It would tighten the plot.

PS Thank you for the comment!

Ackworth born said...

I fell asleep before the end of the first line of the first!

Reader Wil said...

Fascinating Barbara! Is it going to be a book?

Barbara Martin said...

RuneE, I accept all advice on my writing, and you have a good point there which I shall incorporate.

Ackworth, writerly crafts are not for everyone.

Wil, this scene will be part of a book, yes. It will be several months yet before this manuscript is complete.