As I write fantasy stories I read books in the genre that can hold my attention, and one of the best to do that is the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik. Today’s two recently read sentences are from Empire of Ivory, Book 4:
“Send up another, damn you, send them all up, at once if you have to,” Laurence said savagely to poor Calloway, who did not deserve to be sworn at: the gunner was firing off the flares so quickly his hands were scorched black, skin cracking and peeling to bright red where some powder had spilled onto his fingers; he was not stopping to wipe them clean before setting each flare to the match.
"One of the little French dragons darted in again, slashing at Temeraire’s side, and five men fell screaming as a piece of the makeshift carrying-harness unraveled."
With the above two sentences as a shining example of creative writing, I can aspire to continue working my craft to improve it to a similar level. My two sentences are from one of my draft fantasy manuscripts:
“Stepping closer to the wall, Dupuis lifted the lantern, and as the sight registered in his brain, chills ran up his back and legs. It was impossible, but there it was: a flap of navy blue trouser and the toe of a laced boot, protruding from the rock wall.”
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Portrait of Mary I
20 hours ago
21 comments:
This is a great idea, Barbara, focusing on two sentences. I've learned to question every word I write so it's excellent practice to look at such a short extract.
Leigh, I have read many times to pack information into each sentence to lead to the next.
I really like your Two-Sentence Tuesday posts. Most of my writing is in the realm of translation, so I have to follow the original, but it helps me to see how other people craft their words.
Your pattern two sentences by Naomi Novik made me check punctuation to be sure they hadn't run over. Your own two sentences made me wish I wasn't catching up on blogging while eating my lunch... Very vivid imagery.
Teresa, I like Ms Movik's sentences for the way they describe several things in one go. With knowing how to punctuate, an author has the ability to do that.
The fantasy I write tends to be on the dark side.
Naomi Novik's are ripping yarns, but I confess, that glimpse of trouser has me titillated!
This reminds me that I haven't bought yet Naomi Novik's novels. I have to do that soon, so I added them to my shopping list :)
I haven't read anything by NOvik. So many good writers I've missed.
This is a great exercise, Barbara, and you've chosen two great examples. Yours, in particular, is evocative and intriguing.
Linda
Clare, then my glimpse is working.
Mihai, I like how Ms Novik has put a new slant on dragons.
Charles, you will enjoy them: stories of the Napoleonic wars fought with dragons in aerial combat.
Linda, thank you.
Barbara, Your sentences are excellent as usual... I can't wait to publish your story at Beat to a Pulp. I know everyone that comments on your blog will enjoy it.
I like your sentences - they make me want to know more!
(The Solitary Walker has had some very interesting posts about Orwell's comments on writing recently - can't remember his url, but he's on my sidebar's 'blogroll'.)
Intriguing! I wonder whose trouser and boot that was ... :)
David, I'm thinking on sending you another story.
Raph, another to bring into my fold.
Bindu, ...or the person buried in the rock?
Drop me an email when you can...
Shortly after we moved into Willow Manor, we learned that someone died here. Of course, our minds went wild with possibilities. There were some funny looking stones making up the east wall of the cellar. Your sentence reminded me of this. :^)
very cool!
Willow, the stones in your cellar may have been for an older part of the house, or there needed to be repairs done and different stones were used. Creepy correlation though.
Josh, thanks.
I liked this sample too, Barbara, and what a great idea -- focussing on two sentences. I'd read more!
I'm quite a fan of Ms. Novik's series, though I'd never noticed how *long* some of her sentences were!
Funny, because her partner, who writes as Richard Aleas, uses a very terse, almost telegraphic style...
Mary, with two sentences I find it easier to check the writing to ensure the flow of thought and plot are steady and smooth.
Steve, there are quite a few long sentences in all of the books of her series.
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